Hello,

I got to add riding shotgun in an ambulance to my Alaskan experience. Yup, one of the scariest days of my life.

My boyfriend had emergency abdominal surgery a little over a week ago. He was playing Broomball [a sport similar to hockey] and collided with the wall; except the broom wedged between him and the wall. He somehow managed to drive himself home, where he stubbornly negated my suggestions to go to the hospital. He claimed he was too dizzy to make the 20 minute drive. After an hour or so, he caved and agreed to let me take him in. As he stood up to get ready to go, he passed out. 911, you betcha. Turns out, he ruptured his colon and the nerves/vessels around it, resulting in the reconstruction of his entire digestive system. He lost 2L of blood [there are 5L in your body if I’m not mistaken] and was hours from death. We were in the hospital for seven long, solid days struggling through the initial phases of recovery. He highly recommends everyone avoid C-sections and abdominal surgery ;) I’m really proud of how he handled everything— it was really rough and he stayed positive through all the frustrations. Don’t get me wrong, it was REALLY hard and there were some extremely low moments, but he fought through them and let me help. I’ve never been more scared or stressed in my life. But luckily, things are starting to calm down and I changed my flight once again so that I can be useful for a few more weeks before returning home.

Phew.

My exbestfriend, who was an incredibely kind help with my big surprise, found this blog. I don’t know how and feel awful that she did. I know what I said really hurt her feelings and as angry as I’ve been with her, I did not want that. For the record, I do not think she is a horrible person. I do not agree with what she’s done, but it doesn’t discredit all the wonderful things about her. She was my soulmate bestfriend for good reason. Yes, our friendship has been destroyed because of how I see things now… and I’m sure that her finding this added to the demolition of any possible restoration of a new, different friendship (which is a shame, I enjoyed spending some time with her before our men landed), but she’s requested I don’t speak to her anymore. I sent her one last message and will respect her request from there. I am just upset she found this.. I keep it anonymous for a reason. It’s my outlet to vent. Where I sort out my emotions. Yes, I meant what I wrote. But I wrote it while emotional and hurt, so of course it is harsh. I know it did damage for her to read me thinking so bluntly. Unfortunately, what’s done is done. I can do nothing but wish the best for her. Which I do.

I did it.
I did it!
I DID IT!

I pulled off the greatest surprise I’ve ever been a part of. I was at the airport 4,000 miles from my home when my man landed from his year overseas, despite all the setbacks! I had some help, which I am so appreciative of, and he had no idea. He called when he landed and it took him a few minutes after a long, trembling hug and some short, intense kisses for him to grasp the concept that I’m here. I have been with him for ~two weeks now and its been priceless. I’ll write more about everything when I get home (another two weeks).

Yes, in one rushed, ecstatic syllable: OHMIGOD! Repeatedly.

I am in the process of pulling off THE GREATEST surprise I’ve ever been a part of. I am overwhelmed with the kindness of those pulling so many strings to help me pull this off. I feel like the bottom line is that people are suckers for romance. And I’m trying to do a very loving thing.

You see, my man is on his way home from a year in Afghanistan. He currently is stationed in Alaska. I’m a senior in college over on the East Coast. He’s landing ~two weeks before my finals. The plan is for me to come to him immediately after.

WELL. I’ve been scheming. I met with all of my professors and my goodness I love it when being a good student and being an honest person get you places. I told them all my hopeful plan and they are all on board, tweaking the system so that I can have my finals completed by April 17th [originally, I’m scheduled to finish on May 1st]. WOW. Talk about a huge leap. It’s going to be a crazy few weeks cramming all that in.

And then,  there’s the uncertainty of military dates. There are multiple flight possibilities for my man’s fleet to get home; the earliest being the 18th, the most likely being the 23rd. [Keep in mind, I am finishing on April 17th. PM.] I creeped on all the flights landing in Alaska from where he’ll be flying if they make it the 18th and found a flight from my home city that can beat his. WHAT! I know a few people in Alaska and they’ve agreed to house me from the 18th-23rd and take me to the airport to greet the boys if that’s when they end up coming home.

So, long stories short: I will be in Alaska on April 18th. I will either beat my man, if times work out the way my research proved, by about 4 hours. Or I will beat him by 5 days. Either way, he has NO IDEA that I am going to be able to give him a big welcome home kiss immediately. I CAN’T WAIT TO DO THIS FOR HIM AND SEE HIS HANDSOME FACE LIGHT UP!

I just read Firefly Lane and was touched by the beautiful rollercoaster ride of a friendship between Kate and Tully as they progressed through the varying phases of life. It made me realize that I really miss my bestfriend. Although, to be honest, it’s one of those ‘I don’t miss the person, I miss the connection’ situations— I miss that extreme emotional closeness. I miss the truth [ironic]. The love. The laughter. The knowing that someone’s got your back, whether you’re right or wrong. The faith that someone knows what you need versus what you want. However, my faith in that relationship with the person I believed to be my soulmate is completely destroyed. Though it sounds tragic [it is tragic], it’s not as bad as it seems. I know that I am blessed with incredibly beautiful souls who surround my life. My family is great. My closest friends are gems. And my boyfriend is something else. Words don’t do my excitment over his nearing return much justice. I have this gut instinct that his intimacy is exactly what I need. No, I do not plan on replacing the girl I was in friendship love with for so many years; that’s completely impossible. It’d be unfair to compare anyone to what we had. But that’s the keyword, what we had. I need to focus and be grateful for what I have, and what I have with him is something I’ve never experienced before. If I can fully let my walls down and be completely vulnerable and exposed to him, I strongly believe that he is going to catch me fall. I just have to take a deep breath and plunge. 

I love it when a book triggers a real life epiphany.